"One cannot be prepared for something while secretly believing it will not happen." Nelson Mandela
Master Lesson: Recognising and dismissing negativity
Strategy: Believe in your mission and keep your thoughts on gratitude and your positive, upcoming future.
A Lesson in Paradigms:
We live in a world of duality. The opposites are extremes, and we all seem to live in the middle of them all. Left/right, up/down, black/white, right/wrong, male/female, hot/cold—the list goes on. It's important to note that negativity exists everywhere, in all aspects and in all dimensions. It’s the black to your white, the cold to your hot, and the things we fear compared with what we love. So how do we handle the negative aspects of life when they surface, and what can this say about our existing paradigms? If we can get our heads around this predicament quickly by reprogramming negative thinking practices, there’s no success we can’t achieve.
I have always been of the conviction that our thoughts and opinions are shaped by three primary forces. I have dubbed these areas as "The Three E's": Education, Environment and Experience. Let's touch on all three and discover the vital ingredients that are required for growth and success.
Our Education: Primarily, a structured system of learning in the absence of experience. Pure knowledge, theoretical application.
Our Environment: People, friends, work situation, family, news and social gatherings, etc. The more positive, encouraging and thought-provoking our relationships and home environment, the more likely we enter adulthood with a positive, 'it's possible' mindset.
Our Experience: Whether it's good, bad, or indifferent, what we experience shapes how we view the world and what attitude we'll possess when we're faced with specific situations and circumstances. Our experience will often override Education and Environmental factors. For example: If someone became sick after eating an under-cooked piece of chicken when they were 10 years old, their experience will override the Educational and Environmental factors of eating a fresh piece of well-cooked chicken as an adult. People often come from a place of personal experience when speaking about situations, predicaments and outcomes. Experience is a great teacher in many respects, but if we build a house based on everyone else's experience, we'll end up with a crooked house.
Whether we're happy plodding through life, or have an appetite to grow, negative thinking is regarded as one of the most destructive forces we'll encounter. Like the late Mr. Mandela’s quote, looking at success and believing it won't happen, is the longest road to failure. Your "success frequency" has to be tuned to the right radio station before the manifestation of it shows itself into your reality. Negativity also stealthily creeps into other areas, including how we view the world. You can immediately spot those people who have created a lifestyle from negativity, because they relentlessly cloak it under the banner of being “practical”. Actor, Will Smith, put it best when he said: "Being practical is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity".
Note to self: Nothing great has ever been achieved by being practical. Second note to self: If someone can’t see success for themselves, they cannot see it for you either.
The important thing to remember is that your dream has been given to you to breathe life into. If someone cannot see your dream becoming a reality, the answer may be as simple as the fact that it may not be their dream to live. The other thing to remember is that no-one else, including situations, comments from insensitive people or current or future competitors, can take your dream away from you. In a way, it's your stuff: No-one will be able to do it just like you, and there are plenty of people out there who will be aligned with the way YOU do things; this is your own fan club, which follows and admires your uniqueness and personality. Remember, there has to be a little outrageousness in you when you're achieving your deepest desires.
Realising that some people are simply the wrong match for you:
There are going to be people you meet in life with whom you'll just click. Whether it's about synergy, familiarity or commonality, there seems to be an instant positive infusion of energy between you. You may find these people at social events, at work, or even through family friends. Once you've met them, you'll want to grow and be around them.
In contrast, there are going to be people who fall at the opposite end of that scale. It's important to note this early in life and in your dream-chasing career, as you’re not going to make everyone happy and it's more than likely you’re going to encounter a personality type that is at odds with your own. When I find people with whom I have no synergy, I tend to revert to one of the following options:
There’s no single correct answer, because each of us is different. Many of us may have already tried the above three alternatives with different people. Perhaps, you can think of an alternative response?
Winston Churchill once said: "The definition of success is going from failure to failure, without losing enthusiasm". This is an accurate assessment of the inward and outward journey to success. In discovering and recognising what it takes to become successful, there must be a high degree of resilience and thoughts of gratitude when we dip into those inevitable potholes on the road to success. Negativity, frustrations and conflicting personality types will call you to give up at every turn, and when things seem to be going right for you, it can feel as though the good times never last (i.e. a temporary high until we reach the next frustration). When people refer to happiness or positivity as being a choice, what is meant is: to smile in the face of adversity and failure, and to show cheer in the face of being overwhelmed at the inevitable road blocks on our path to success.
However, each and every successful person we've read about, spoken to or heard about, always believes at the end that the struggle is well worth it. Winston Churchill kept his resilience for a prolonged period of time when denying Nazi Germany a right to his country. He instinctively knew that if he kept fighting for a righteous cause, he would be victorious. Or did he? We all know the accounts of how Churchill overcame the might of the Germans, but we can’t really access his inward turmoil when the fight was constantly on the edge of a knife.
There is nothing more subtle and potently influential than negativity. It sneaks in under our radar, and for those who have been feeling negative for an extended amount of time, the feeling is one of comfort and normality. Only you can consciously decide to become aware of negativity on all fronts and to diligently observe the effects it has on your dream-chasing journey. This is a rigorous daily exercise, where observation is key. Ultimately, seeing it for what it is, will be the first step towards overcoming its destructive force.
Now that we're able to recognise negativity in all its infamous glory, here are some practical strategies that we can implement to keep us on a positive track:
1. Smile when you don't feel like smiling.
2. Practice gratitude every day.
3. Surround yourself with the right people and helpful mentors who can pick you up when you're feeling low.
4. Create an inspirational dream board and place it on the back of your front door so you see it before you leave your home every day.
5. Be encouraging to those who, like you, are chasing the crazy-possible.
6. Never look back.
7. Adopt mantras and inspirational quotes to motivate yourself.
8. Rid yourself of any personality type you feel is at odds with your journey towards a more fulfilled you.
These are some popular strategies, but there are countless others. I would recommend that you sit down, put pen to paper, and spend time pondering what strategies would work best for you and your unique situation. Apply the top five immediately.
A word on Gratitude to combat negativity...
The amazing feeling of being thankful opens the gateway of abundance, love and manifestation for people around the world. Most of us comprehend the logical meaning of the word gratitude, but many of us seldom feel it as a state of mind. Some don’t know what it means to be grateful, or alternatively cannot find anything for which to be grateful, especially if they’re going through a rough patch. Much of the resentment that builds from questions, such as, “Why did this have to happen to me?”, or “What did I ever do so wrong to deserve this?”, become entrenched in our subconscious mind and we go forward thinking our lot in life stinks.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
We all have something in our lives for which to be grateful, and if you don’t have a place to start, below are some thoughts you can ponder to unblock any feelings of resentment, guilt, doubt or negativity. It’s important to start within and move out. Let's start being thankful for the following:
Our feet that walk us around, our legs that carry us, our arms and hands which help us lift and move things, our voice to communicate and sing our message, our eyes, which let us see others and the beauty around us, our tongue, which allows us to taste the world, our memory, which allows us to remember, our ears to hear our favourite music and how much we’re loved and appreciated by family and friends, our keen mind, which has the ability to explore, learn and grow, our comfortable beds to rest on, our homes, which are so welcoming to friends, the food in our fridge, the seats at our dinner table, and our pets who love us unconditionally, our family and friends who love us, even as we change.
Feeling gratitude is being connected with the highest form of love. We cannot feel fear, negativity or self-doubt when we’re connected with gratitude.
In trusting yourself and the process towards success, we must also take into consideration the life jacket analogy. Some may find the analogy below humorous, but the synergy between first putting on your own life jacket and then helping others put on theirs, is uncanny.
We've all heard the safety announcement before:
“May we have your attention for a safety announcement. Your life jacket is under your seat. In the event of an emergency, place the life jacket over your head, fasten the seat-belt around your waist and tighten the strap. To inflate your life jacket pull the red tabs firmly downward. The life jacket can also be inflated manually. Please note the emergency exits are clearly marked with green exit signs on both sides of the aircraft. There are 8 exits in total: 2 at the front, 4 in the middle and 2 at the rear of the cabin. Please put on your life jacket before attempting to assist others. The safety information card in your seat pocket contains additional information; if you need any further assistance please contact one of the cabin crew. Thank you for your attention.“
The life jacket analogy has been used time and time again in movies, talks and stories all over the world. A personal interpretation of the life jacket analogy is that we're in the best position to render continued assistance if we're not taking our last breath. In life, unlike the split decision emergencies on an airplane, we often have a lifetime to put on our life jackets. Most know it's there, but we seem to be too preoccupied with the prosaic realities of our day-to-day lives to bother putting it on. The fact of the matter is we are in a better position to offer assistance when we administer self-care, which includes prioritising our vision for self help and happiness. By living and breathing your personal truth, you are a shining example to others who wish to live theirs. By offering assistance and passing on knowledge and skills, we give others the tools to break through pain barriers on the road to dream realisation.
Most who have achieved a level of success with which they are happy, are eager to render assistance as mentors, coaches and business gurus to those who ask for help. These people have learned to put on their own life jacket before assisting the masses; they've learned to prioritise. For example: If you hire a personal fitness instructor to help you to become healthier, you can expect that they will be in peak physical fitness themselves. One could argue they've put on their own life jacket (by making themselves fit) to be an example of good health to show how it’s done. When we're in a position to look after ourselves mentally and physically, we are in a much stronger position to help others with their own life jacket.
Below are some practical examples of how to put on your own life jacket:
Locate your key to happiness and satisfaction through self-love. It's not other people's job to love you; it’s yours. Wearing our own life jacket is the only way we can be in the strongest possible position to bring about lasting, resilient change in ourselves and others. Put it on.